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Hi, ladies. I know this isn't technically about cloth diapers (although that's going great!)... but I'm wondering if anyone would have any advice for me regarding a good formula supplement. I've exclusively breastfed my first daughter for 2.5 weeks now and *SHE* is doing fantastically (back to birth weight by day 4, and almost a pound up by 2 weeks)while *I* am about at the end of my rope. She feeds every .5-3.5 hours (meaning 0-3 hours sleep tops for me), and much to my chagrin have found myself way too irritable and frustrated due to sleep deprivation. I've tried to tough it out and I can't do it, so I'm considering supplementing with formula for one feeding per night so my husband can take a shift and let me sleep - I've tried pumping and that helps some, but I just can't seem to get enough during the day out to satisfy her for a whole feeding's worth.
I'm also up for advice regarding increasing my milk production. Thanks a bunch!
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First, congratulations on your little girl!
My main advice is to HANG IN THERE! From my own experience, esp. with my first, it took several weeks for my milk production to stabalize. Your body should naturally respond to baby's demand, but there's a lag time. If baby is gaining weight so well, though, it doesn't really sound like production is an issue for you.
Pumping was also not very productive for me at first, but once I got better at it, I found I could use some visualization (think rushing water, loving your baby, etc) to cause let-down and it was better. If there is a good time of day for you to pump and you can do it regularly, you will create the demand that your body will meet.
Those first few weeks are usually the worst for constant feeding (there will be growth spurts, often around 6-8 weeks for example), and usually things settle down into a more do-able rhythm--for me it was more about some predictability rather than the actual times (though of course predictably a little longer is better as long as the weight-gain is there!).
That being said, I personally don't think there's anything wrong with having a formula feed at night so dad can help a little and you can have a little more sleep.
One thing I wonder about, though, is the half-hourly feedings. With my first, he would feed slowly and would fall asleep while eating. Okay, fine, I would put him down, but he'd wake up half hour later wanting to eat again. Eventually I just started striping him down to his onesie or sometimes even just his diaper, ticking his toes, jigging the boob, you name it, to keep him awake and feeding. That was kind of annoying, but it was better than having to try to feed again in 30 minutes, and if I could get a good feed into him, he'd go three hours (part of that, to, is that he'd be getting more hindmilk with the longer feed). I don't know if that is something playing into the short feed intervals for you or not, but thought I'd mention it.
My second was a bit of a different story, not a slow or sleepy eater, but a slow weight-gainer, and he took about three months to settle into a good pattern of dependably three hours between feeds. I was about ready to give up breastfeeding, despite having great success with it with #1, but then #2 _finally_ hit 10 pounds, and stopped the random feeding. For some reason that seemed to be a magic weight for him. Especially with such good weight gain, your babe really might settle into a good rhythm sooner rather than later.
Good luck! |
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First off, BIG HUGS to you! I know how tough this can be. This is "supposed" to be such a wonderful blissful time but all your feeling is exhausted, sore and probably overwhelmed!! Totally normal and been there, done that!!
I would definetly contact an LC or an LLL leader (they're free!!) for support and ideas to help. They can give you various techniques and tricks to get your production up or try to get her to take in a little more at a time. If phoning an LLL leader isn't your thing, you can still benefit from their experience by checking out their website, www.lll.org
I think my first bit of advice would be to see if you can try to tough it out just a tiny bit longer. If your goal is to continue breastfeeding, now is a really bad time to start supplementing as your production is far from established yet. Every time she gets milk from somewhere other than you, that is signaling your body to make less milk. Waiting even just another 2-3 weeks can make a big difference in how frequently she nurses (she'll likely space herself out naturally as she gets older) and how much of an effect supplementing has on your production (not that it's totally safe at that point but it's much less risky).
Things like breast compression and cluster feeding can sometimes help. I don't know much about breast compression but I'm sure you can find info about it by just googling it. Cluster feeding is feeding her several times in a row just before bed (babies often have a tendancy to do this in the evenings naturally anyway). This helps fill her up plus it gets her a good dose of closeness and cuddling just before bed to get her through a little longer... Along the same lines, try to nurse her as frequently as possible during the day, every oppurtunity you get, put her to the breast. Try to get much of her milk during the day...
Oh, and make sure she's really nursing well at each feeding. Watch for signals that she's really sucking and swallowing (her jaw should be moving for example and you should see her swallowing). If she has a tendancy to fall asleep too quickly, don't be afraid to gently wake her to continue (tickling her back, blowing gently on her skin, tickling under her chin etc..., all these things can get her actively nursing again if she's stopped too soon). Or even completly latch her off half way through and change her diaper or just talk to her a little to get her good and awake~ Also, don't be too quick to switch her sides. The hindmilk is what comes out at the end of a feed and it's what's richest in fat so will fill her up longer than the foremilk which is high in sugar and water. You can spot a foremilk/hindmilk imbalance by watching for green stools.
One thing that really helped me was co-sleeping. It makes a HUGE difference to not have to get up and totally woken up. I'm not sure how 'good' she is but from the sounds of it she's doing really well so you could probably easily just latch her on and then doze off. There are a million variations on co-sleeping, it doesn't necessarily have to involved baby right in the bed with you all night long if you're not comfortable with that. Have her start the night off in her crib then join you when she wakes (get hubby to get her while you stay half asleep in bed!!). Put her right next to your bed, so you have minimal moving around to do to get her. Doze off while nursing and then, if you prefer, you (or hubby) can bring her back whenever you wake up again.
As much as possible, keep lights down or even off if possible, for nighttime nursings. This helps signal to her that this is nighttime and time for sleep, this should help in getting her back to sleep more easily as well. And do the opposite during the day. Have lots of sunlight in her room, play with her and show her that daytime is when we play (in between naps, hehe).
Also, try to achieve a balance between going to her too quickly or not quickly enough. Too quickly and perhaps she was just grunting in her sleep and didn't even need nursing at all. Not quickly enough and she'll get really upset and be that much harder to get back down. Co-sleeping can help with this as you may hear her hunger signals before they turn to cries...
Oh, and later on, hubby can always handle a night waking here and there to just rock her, walk with her, rub her back etc etc... Maybe not now as it wouldn't be good for this to replace a real needed feeding. But if you're sure she can't possibly be hungry (say she just had a really good feeding 10 minutes ago) then there's no harm in a little daddy comfort every so often.
And try to get hubby on board for absolutly everything else! Your job at this point is to nurse your baby and take care of yourself! NOTHING ELSE!! Hubby can change diapers at night to help you get a couple extra minutes. Hubby or someone else can do the laundry, cooking and cleaning! And if no one else does, so what!!! Seriously, the laundry will wait, your health and sanity is way more important. If baby is sleeping, so should YOU! Nap time is not the time to start a load of laundry, get supper ready or sweep the floor!! And if naps don't last long enough for you to get a little shut eye (or you can't sleep during the day), then take a relaxing bath or shower, read a book or just plop on the sofa & watch tv. It won't help you recuperate your sleep but it will at least help you relax and not feel so overwhelmed.
Hope this helps at least a little. If nothing else, take comfort that you are not alone. We've all been there and totally understand what you're going through and how difficult it is. And know that this too shall pass... Oh, and a bit high five on the cloth! Glad that's going well!
Karen.
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Oh, and as if the novel I just wrote isn't enough...
One tip to pumping more is to pump in the morning. That's when your production is at it's highest so it'll be easiest then. I have to agree with aavt though, considering your little one's weight gain, I doubt this is about a low production though. Neither the difficulty pumping nor the frequent nursing are signs of low production. Newborns nurse very frequently and although quite exhausting, it's also quite normal. As for pumping, there are a million reasons why you could have difficulty pumping enough. A decent quality pump is a must or just hand express. Hand expressing is a bit of a learned art but can work just as well as a pump and may even work much better than some cheapo pumps out there!
Oh, and if you leak on the opposite side while nursing, try collecting that instead of letting it go to waste in a breast pad. Even just 1/4 of an ounce every second feeding can add up. Breastmilk can safely be stored for up to 8 days in the fridge - or you can freeze small amounts to accumulate (freeze in ice cube trays and then put in plastic containers or ziploc bags). Breastfed babies usually only take very small amounts from a bottle anyway so it's not like you need an 8oz bottle or anything. Even just 2-3oz is probably plenty for a supplemental bottle!
Karen.
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Awwww, girl! Big hugs and good Karma to you! I hit my wall much sooner than you did, so you're doing alright in my book. Take it 1 hour at a time, 1 more feeding via breast is 1 less via formula. What matters is that you are sane and baby is healthy and growing. If it comes from a bottle of formula or a breast full of milk, as long as those 3 things are true, that's a success in anybody's eyes.
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We're here with you! Boy, it brings me back to a year ago. I know it can be so frustrating. La Leche League really helped me a lot. I also think, if you can do it, that you should try to tough it out a bit longer. I don't think I can add much to what the other ladies have posted. The morning pumping thing is a big help. I can tell you that supplementing with formula can make it so tough, because once you introduce that bottle, it is hard to convince them to stay with you. Plus, you will definitely not produce as much milk if she isn't feeding as much. I really regret introducing the bottle to my daughter, because once she discovered she could get the milk from the bottle without so much work, she would get really frustrated while nursing. It pretty much put an end to our nursing.
What helped me was lying on my side while nursing, so I could sneak a nap while she nursed. It was a great discovery. I think side nursing and pumping in the morning might be two good options. Nonetheless, good luck and best wishes to you! Big hugs! |
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I don't want to start a big thing about the merits or safety of co-sleeping but I've never heard of a baby suffocating on mom's breast (this isn't usually the kind of thing that 'experts' warn about when co-sleeping, kwim?). That said, there are indeed some safety precautions to be taken for safe co-sleeping. Really it's the same thing as sleeping in a crib safely, there are certain precautions to be taken there too (no pillows, minimal blankets if any at all, proper fitting mattress, back sleeping etc...).
If anyone is interested in co-sleeping safely, here are a few articles that discuss it:
<A href="http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/t102200.asp">http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/t102200.asp</A>
<A href="http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/t071000.asp">http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/t071000.asp</A>
And like I said, there are a million variations on co-sleeping. Just having baby sleeping in the same *room* with a parent is even a form of co-sleeping... It doesn't have to be the 'family bed' where you end up with a 19 year old snuggling beside you after they come home from partying! LOL!
Karen.
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Hello,
Best wishes to you in these difficult times. Once again, I can't help you with formula as I was able to do without, but I wanted to complement Karen's post about breast compression and making sure your baby is really swallowing milk. I suggest you take a look at Dr Jack Newman's Website. His books are great too, but his Web site (http://www.drjacknewman.com/) has videos showing everything very well. Watching them made me realize that much of the time my baby was spending at the breast, he wasn't actually drinking.
I was able to cut on breast time by doing breast compression and, when DS wasn't actually drinking, I'd taking him off the breast and put him to sleep. Sometimes he just wanted to suck, and although they don't suggest using soothers that early in the process of establishing breastfeeding, it's still better than giving a bottle (or than going insane!).
Hope this helps, and best of luck to you two! |
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I personally know someone who had it happen to their grandchild which is why I felt it was important to mention the safety.
It is rare, but so is SIDS.
Thanks for the links. |
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Wow, that's scary indeed, don't blame you for wanting to be cautious. Just out of curiosity though, was this person very obese? Because I know that's one thing they do warn you about, that very obese people shouldn't co-sleep. Partly because sleep apnea is more common with obese people but also because rolls of fat and very large breasts could possibly suffocate the baby. So while I don't think it's something most families need worry about, it should be considered by some parents.
There are tons of way to do versions of co-sleeping though, that may be more comfortable for some people... I know with my twins and my son I wouldn't sleep the whole night with them in bed with me but would just lightly doze off while they nursed and then bring them back when I woke up which was usually only maybe 10-30 minutes after they were done. With my son I would wake up again and just scooch him back over to his crib mattress (we'd put our mattress on the floor and his crib mattress right next to ours, this way he was right within arms reach but still essentially still had his own sleeping space). It's the getting up, going to a different room with the lights on and sitting wide awake in a chair for 20-40 minutes several times a night that can just be a killer for most moms, so anything you can do to avoid that is helpful.
Even if you just keep baby close to your bed and don't nurse lying down, just the closeness can help some babies sleep better or sometimes you can rub their back or 'shush' them back to sleep gently so that they never fully wake and need a feeding. If you do nurse in a chair or sofa of some sort though, you have to make sure you don't fall asleep as that's way riskier for all kinds of reasons. Not the least of which is waking up with a huge crick in your neck!
And of course, conversely (just to make moms' lives more complicated) it's the opposite for some babies as if they're too close they can smell mom and her milk too easily and this stimulates them to want to nurse. So if you're already sleeping with baby, maybe consider putting her just a smidge further away to see if it helps. Also helps some moms sleep better because they're awakened by every sigh and grunt their baby makes...
Karen.
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Another possible suggestion(and you mentioned it yourself) is to make a set "daddy time" every single day. We did that here because I do home childcare, so during the day I have 5 kids and during the evening I have 2 kids and overnight I have 1. I just felt like 24/7, I didn't get a moments rest. So for the last year I have always pumped a bottle(in the am, like everybody is saying) and from 8-9 every evening, daddy has boys. No matter how much baby cries or brother wants a snack, daddy gets it. I disappear for that hour and really cherish it! Some days, thinking of that magical hour is the only thing that gets me through the day! Everybody needs a break sometimes. Sounds like you need one badly.
Pump a bottle, babies at your babies age don't need much, maybe 2 ounces? Tell daddy he's got baby from 8-9 tonight, and no matter what, you are off limits. Poopy diaper? Hungry baby? Inconsolable? Daddy's got it.
And you know what? At first my hubby was petrified! But by "having" to deal with it, he learned to comfort the baby in his very own special way. And for that, it's a beautiful thing!
Cheers! |
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Congrats on your baby girl! You’re doing a great job, you should be very proud of yourself! No book can really prepare you for the reality of exclusively breastfeeding a newborn. It’s hard work and can feel very lonely knowing you’re the only one who can do it for her. It will get better very soon. Are there other new Mom’s you can talk to? Maybe someone from your prenatal class? Just venting your frustration can help. Husbands are great but they really can’t understand what it is to be of complete service to another human being.
I also agree that co-sleeping can really help you get more sleep. If you can’t sleep while nursing try to keep your eyes closed and breathe, you may find you’ll eventually be able to dose a bit. Practice nursing lying down, it may not work well until she’s a bit older and you’re more experienced, but it’s definitely the best for night nursing.
Try staying in bed all day. Stay in your pj’s, bring snacks, drinks, books, TV, whatever you’ll need and only get up to use the bathroom. Sleep when she sleeps, or just close your eyes, read to her, whatever you find relaxing. You’ll get the rest you need and you’ll boost your milk production. This is especially helpful during a growth spurt. You’re not being lazy!
Have you tried a pacifier? I know many Mom’s don’t want to go down that road but they can be useful if all she’s looking for is non-nutritive sucking. I tried one after a marathon 3 hours of nursing, he sucked on in for 10min then dropped into a blissful sleep.
It might help to know that her feeding is pretty normal for a newborn. For some reason most baby books say they feed 8-10 times a day but 10-14 is more realistic. If you still find you want to try a bottle of formula (we all do what we need to survive this period so don’t feel guilty), try mixing up the formula then add breast milk to it (1:1) if you have any pumped. It will make it easier for her to digest and possibly prevent gas problems.
Hang in there, be gentle with yourself, and know that we are all thinking about you. |
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Large busted. Not obese. I know they caution obese people on rolling over too. I am so for co sleeping, but I was large busted when my milk came in. Many small people have large busts too. My DS wakes in the night and wants mommy close and he will be 2.
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For a variety of reasons, I didn't want baby in bed with me, but I did have both my boys next to me in a laundry basket (and later a large underbed storage container!). Esp. with my first, because he was gaining weight so amazingly, I felt okay not feeding him at every whimper, so I would give him my pinky to suck. I also felt like I slept more soundly than when I tried having him in another room--I was listening more for the monitor, and it was harder for me to tell the difference between types of noises.
I used breast compression with my sleeper, too, and feel like it helped me empty my breast (I tended to get engorged if I did not fully empty) and also get that luscious and longer-lasting hind milk into him. It was also very useful for pumping.
I tried to have my hubby do a nighttime feed with a (pumped) bottle, but it turned out to be more work than it was worth. DS would get too excited by the easy-eating from the bottle and would then be wide-awake at 3 am instead of feed and coast back to sleep. Then both hubby and I were awake.
One thing that I did find very helpful for breast-feeding with my first was try to have the time be as pleasant for me as possible. Because DS#1 was such a slow feeder, I began resenting spending 1/3 of the day feeding him. So I tended to use one chair and made a sort of a nest for myself. I'd make a cup of tea (figured he could wait while the water boiled), I had a small table I was able to prop a book on, I had a radio (well, hand-held so I could stream my favorite NPR station). If I had to be awake at 3am, I was too tired to read but enjoyed listening to the radio (and since I was 5 hours different time zones from the station, I could get decent programming in the wee hours, but now with podcasts and all that time doesn't matter as much). I was so up on world events, current with my magazines, and I re-read all of those childhood favorites like Anne of Green Gables! It sure wasn't always roses, but it made the time seem less of a sacrifice and more relaxing. I was kind of bummed with #2 that since DS#1 was running around I couldn't just sink back and listen my favorite shows! |
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Oh, I couldn't agree more on baby getting some exclusively Daddy time! If he's at all skittish around her this will help make him more comfortable, get him to feel usefull (dads really can feel left out with newborns sometimes) and it's great bonding time! You can even just feed the baby and then disappear for an hour, doesn't have to involve a feeding at all unless you want it to. Go take a bath, read a book or whatever! I used to like going to the grocery store. They're usually pretty quiet on weekday evenings and it was actually pretty relaxing for me to just slowly wander the aisles with no worries about baby. Staying home can be great too, but if baby cries it can be very difficult to resist tending to them...
Oh, and yet another tip (geesh I hope we're not overwhelming you too much!!), if you do give a supplementary bottle, start with whatever amount of breastmilk you have. Even if it's just an ounce then start with that alone in a bottle. The problem with mixing breastmilk and formula is that if baby doesn't finish the bottle then you've got at least some wasted breastmilk. If you start with breastmilk and *then* a bottle with a little formula if baby doesn't finish the bottle then only formula is wasted. Breastmilk is liquid gold considering the trouble it is to get it out, I hated wasting even a drop!!
Karen.
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| Just remembered something that helped me with pumping. I found I could only get a lot of milk if my breast was very full so I would do the first couple morning feeds from one side only and then pump from the other side. |
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| I just wanted to add a bit more about taking a cat nap during feeding. I have always been a light sleeper, but during pregnancy and post partum for at least 6 months, it was ridiculous. I slept lightly enough that I was completely aware of my surroundings. I would not call it true sleep, even when I was in bed for the night, unfortunately. Yet, still those cat naps helped me feel more rested. I also often would sit up with her in my lap and tilt my head back on the top of the couch and take a little nap. I know that many experts condone and encourage co-sleeping, while just as many others discourage it. I was at least an E/F cup when my milk came in. I never had any issues with her being able to breath because I made sure she was attached in such a way that there was a distance between my breast and her nose, as suggested by Dr. Jack Newman. By the way, regarding Jack Newman... I actually emailed him from his website and he responded almost immediately. If you live in Canada near Toronto, he has a clinic. He seems lovely. |
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Wow, ladies. I just now got a chance to read through your advice, and I *really* appreciate it. As suggested, I've also consulted local friends, a LC and a LLL leader and all told I feel much better now. We've actually not had to supplement yet (I've been getting just enough out with the pump AND she's been sleeping for a bit longer spurts at night), but now feel much better informed (and better armed with all sorts of things to try!) and much, much better.
I do have one more question, though: our daughter takes to the bottle just fine (sucks it down in no time, even with super slow nipples), but both my husband and I have a very hard time comforting her and getting her back to sleep after bottle-feeding. So, my darling husband can take a feeding, but then the poor guy has to stay up until the next one (2-3 hours!) comforting her because she just will NOT fall asleep. He's wonderful and willing to do that, but it would be great to avoid that. Any thoughts on that one?
Thanks again for all your care, support and fantabulous advice! |
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I had the same problem with my first, and in his case I always thought it was just because it was too easy for him to get all that milk from the bottle. He was wide awake in the middle of the night and ready to play! That's why we gave up on Daddy's night feed, actually . . .
But it really depends on what she's doing. Is she fussing or just awake? If fussing, I'd wonder about burps after taking in all that milk so much more quickly that usual. |
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Yeah, I would look into the gas thing. Maybe try to simethicone after the bottle. Otherwise, of course, depending on the type of cry she has at the time (is she in pain, or just fussing, etc.) I know a lot of experts advise (and I know this is incredibly difficult to do) letting them learn how to put themselves back to sleep. Even at this young age, she is learning those VALUABLE (to you) skills. If all of her needs are met, I think you might just need to lie her down and let her fuss herself back to sleep. But, again, it is different if she is in pain. My Mom was with me for the first few weeks, and she made it clear how important it was to recognize the difference in the cries and to allow them to learn how to fall asleep on their own. It has been absolute Godsend with our daughter. She has never needed us to help her fall asleep. We also know when she really needs us because of this. Nonetheless, I am soooo glad you are feeling better about it all. I know this is a tough time for you! I'm lad you are hanging in there!
Take care, Chelle |
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