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I'm soliciting advice on behalf of a friend who asked for help. This topic obviously comes up here a lot, so lacking ideas to help her, I thought I'd turn to this wise body!
Her 3.5-year-old daughter has been pretty much potty-trained for almost a year now, mostly including nights, but the kicker is that they still have to bring her to the toilet regularly (like every hour or two). If they don't bring her regularly, she'll just pee or poop in her pants. She won't tell them about it, and doesn't seem too perturbed by any of it. It's almost like she is still unaware of the need/result (that's what it seems like, although my friend isn't entirely sure that's really the case). They've tried doing time-outs for accidents that she doesn't tell them about, but she doesn't mind the time-outs, and they're hesitant to impose any stronger consequences. She's a somewhat stubborn, although very, very quiet child, and she's fully cooperative about being brought to and using the toilet.
Any words of wisdom? Is this something they just need to ride out, or is there something they can try? |
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My opinion, start taking toys and putting them away. If my son does not listen, he knows he does not get to play with them. Toys are a luxery, not a need. It may sound mean, but it really helps us with our strong willed guy. I follow through with it too.
Or if they really do not mind, then don't do anything. DS just now is starting to pull up his own pants (will be 3 in Novemebr and PTd in April) and that seems to bother some parents, not me. I gladly assist him. |
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| What about setting an alarm clock to go off hourly or every ninety minutes to remind her to go on her own? Mom or Dad can support her in this, but she has to go when the alarm goes off. Hopefully this will segue into her remembering to go on her own. |
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My advice would be to be sure when they are reminding her to go, not asking her to go(there is a difference!), to be certain they are telling her to verbally say "I need to go potty." Sounds dumb but she may not realize that going potty isn't a "yes" or "no" question. Especially if nobody is asking!
At DC, we start the every 30 minutes thing with them repeating me saying "I need to go potty."
Yes, I model this as well. I say it when I need to go!
We slowly spread out the time between bathroom breaks. 35, 40, 45, etc. Eventually they say it on their own because I haven't been asking them a question like "Do you need to go potty?"
We also treat M & Ms for trying or success. They get nothing for an accident. Just changed.
About the not minding if she's dirty or not, well some kids aren't bothered by that and it makes it a little more tricky. But I have yet to meet a "normal" kindergartener that still wears diapers so eventually she'll get it. But she might need supplimental motivation(M&Ms, let's say).
It will pass. They just need to keep on it. |
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| We are in the process of pt'ing our 2 yrs old son... He's been asking to go poop on the toilet since the day he turned 2 (4 months ago), but he still won't ask to go when he has to pee and will pee in his diaper if we forget to take him to the toilet... We are taking the approach that we give him a reward for a dry diaper and pee in the toilet an M$M or Smartie) and don't punish an accident, rather than punishing him for peeing in his diaper... I strongly believe that reinforcing the positive rather than punishing the negative goes a long way!! |
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