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Hi ladies,
I am looking for help, suggestions, time management, meal planning, finding personal time etc. I have been using my cloth diapers for almost 9 months and I love them however my life has been turned upside down and I have to make some adjustments/decisions regarding cloth diapers vs. disposables (the “D” word). Let me explain a little bit more. I am a mother of two boys (9 mths and a 5 year old) who just went from a being a family of four to a family of six... yes six and this is 18 days fresh. Without going into the details my niece and nephew (girl 10 & boy  have moved in with us so we can raise the children. So both my husband and I come from a four person family and do not know the first thing about functioning as a large family. I am feeling very overwhelmed with the demands of a large family and have been struggling with the cloth diapers -- I can’t even find the time to keep up with the regular laundry let alone the cloth diapers. I am really having trouble getting organized, functional, planning and basically just keeping up with everything. For me this is a whole new experience not to be on top of my game and jumping from dealing with a 5 year old to an 8 and 10 year old. I am already feeling burnt out and am concerned about how will I do this when I go back to work full-time in a few months.
P.S. Our home is also not big enough for 6 people to living in so storage and space are issues too.
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Ok, first thing, breathe..... Seriously, just take a breath and a bit of time to center yourself. It WILL BE OK! I'm not saying it will be easy but things just have a way of working themselves out. You will be fine and the kids will be fine. Even if the house is chaotic (and with 4 kids that's pretty much inevitable!), everyone will still be fine.
I have 4 children myself and I'm an only child so this isn't exactly the type of household I grew up in. It's chaotic for sure and some days are harder than others, but a big family can be fun too.
My first piece of advice is get all the kids to pitch in somehow. The older two can contribute in significant ways: taking out the garbage, setting the table, helping with meal preparation, keeping an eye on the little ones while you answer the phone (or get a meal started or tend to whatever needs tending). They can help with laundry I'm sure. If you have a top loader they may not be tall enough to reach in to get clothes but they can sort, remove from the dryer, hang up & fold. Even the 5 year old can do his share by picking up toys/clothing, putting things away, 'playing' with his little brother to keep him entertained a bit. There are tons of simple tasks that a 5 year old can handle (I have two 5 year olds and while they can't do everything, there is still lots they can do). Heck, you can even start training the 9 month old with rituals like always putting the toys away when he's done (do it together and make a game out of it!).
How you handle it is up to you. For us so far it's just a free-flowing thing where I just assign tasks as they need doing (trying to be fair and seperate them as equally as I can). But maybe a printed chart with or without rewards will work better for your family.
For general organization I've liked Flylady.com. It's a whole system with email reminders and the whole bit. But you can always just do what works for you if you don't want to follow everything to the letter. I've learned quite a bit from her... And it's all free...
As for food, I think planning really is the key. I'm still learning this myself but I think it can make a big difference. My mother-in-law sits down every Sunday morning and plans the whole weeks meals. Writes it all down (including some days where it's just eating leftovers) and then makes sure she has all the ingredients she needs. Can't claim that I'm this organized but it's a goal... Oh, try making a list of easy/tasty/healthy foods that are usually hits with the family. Sometimes just a reminder of what we could make is enough to reduce the stress level. Do the same thing for school lunches if applicable. And the freezer is your new best friend! Lots of foods/recipes are freezable and it's not much extra work to double a recipe and freeze the other half. Dust off your crockpot and learn how to use it! Especially when you go back to work, throw some meat and a can of soap in the morning and presto - instant dinner when you get home! There are tons of crockpot recipes online.
I hear ya on the space thing. We just built a lovely house big enough for everyone just last year. But before that we were 6 people in a 3 bedroom, semi-detached, 1400 sq ft home. The kids shared (and bunk beds are a must for the older kids) and we just made the most of every inch of space we had. Loft beds could be a cool idea too, you free up a lot of floor space that way. Flylady can help in this regard too because she's really really big on decluttering. And when you're 6 people in a small house, keeping clutter to a minimum is absolutly essential. If you don't love it or it doesn't serve a real purpose, out it goes!
Don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it. Get friends or extended family members involved as much as possible. If not at least try switching time 'off' with your hubby. Get him to watch the kids while you go grocery shopping all by yourself. The produce section is great cheap therapy! Whatever you do, do NOT take this all on yourself. You're important too and the fact is that you're not any good to anyone if you end up in the psych ward! LOL! If you're religious, reach out to your community - they can be a great comfort and source of help.
And be honest with the kids, all of them. Without going into details that may stress them out unnecessarily, I'd sit down with the whole gang and have a good family meeting. Tell them that this is a hard time for everyone and that you all need to work together to make this work. Tell them what you expect of them and what you expect of yourself. Admit it when you make a mistake - the older kids especially will respect you for it.
Try having some fun together. Make time (cause it's not going to be handed to you that's for sure!) for some family 'bonding' time. Make some popcorn and have a movie night with the whole family. Go for a drive with all of them and end up at an ice cream parlor. Take the older two to the movies. Take the whole gang for a walk or to the park.
A general large family tip that might be useful later (things are probably too crazy right), especially as the kids get older is to spend some one-on-one time with each of the kids. Doesn't have to be elaborate or anything, but the undivided attention is important and will make them feel listened to and special. Oh, and when you feel you need to have a good talking with one of them (the older ones especially), try doing it in the car. For some reason it's easier to have a heart to heart when you don't necessarily have to look at each all the time.
As for the diapers, well that's a decision only you can make really. Consider though that disposables aren't all that they're cracked up to be (at least not in my opinion). They leak much more (think even *more* laundry that needs doing!). They must be bought and when your life is chaotic and unorganized it's a million times easier to throw a load of laundry in the washer than it is to make an emergency run to the store! I don't know your financial situation but consider that disposables will be significantly more expensive (especially since the cloth is already paid for).
All that said, if you need to, take a break from the cloth. Sometimes just the feeling that there's less to do (even if the 'less' really isn't all that significant) is enough to make us feel a million times better. And considering what's going on in your life, I don't think you have anything to feel guilty about by trying to simplify your life for a while. Don't sell them off just yet though. Things are crazy right now and I'm guessing there is quite a bit of emotional turmoil as well as all the practical stuff. When things settle a bit you might find that you want to go back to the cloth. You can always sell them later on but you can't get them back if you sell them now.
Hmmm, that's about all I can think of for now. Like I said though, just breathe. It will be ok.
Karen. |
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Oh and a really big one. If you haven't done so already with your first two little ones - lower your standards! LOL! Seriously. Don't hold yourself up to impossible standards of perfection. It doesn't matter if the house is messy or downright disastrous sometimes. Piles of dirty dishes or clothing has never prevented a child from growing, thriving and being happy! And it's ok to take shortcuts with meals too sometimes. So what if they've had spaghetti twice this week already? And it's not a crime to order a pizza once in a while either! ;-)
Karen. |
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Hi Karen,
WOW thank you for amazing reply. Words or time LOL can not express my appreciate for the time it took you to write all that. I wrote that on a night that I was feeling very very over whelmed with everything. So again thank you so very much for taking the time to reply.
Michelle |
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Hey, I've been thinking about you lately, wondering how things were going. I was wondering if you'd just given up and run away from home! LOL! Believe me, there are days, there are days!! ;-)
You're welcome for the novel, LOL! That's just me, once I start I can't stop yapping. Did me some good too to be honest, sometimes we all need reminders of stuff we already know...
Take care and enjoy the suddenly large family. Think of it this way, between the four of them they should have the money to pay for a really really nice nursing home when you're old and senile! LOL!
Karen. |
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| I'm the youngest of 6 kids, although there's really 2 sets of 3, with 10 years between the sets. Anyway, us youngest kids did weekly chores to clean house, divided between the 3 of us we cleaned the whole house. We also did our own laundry, for me by age 7 at least. We either made our own lunches or had school lunches, and made our own breakfast. The older 3 often took care of the little ones while mom was busy. So that's cleaning up, laundry, meals, and babysitting...that 10 and 8 year old should be a blessing not a burden. They're more capable than you think if you give them some responsibility. |
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Absolutly Phanclub!! Hey, I've always wondered how kids that did their own laundry managed that exactly. My mom always did mine, I didn't even know how till I was a teenager (of course it was just the two of us so not nearly as much as with a large family, plus it was done at a laundromat for the longest time). Did you guys just do your own clothes and just have a bunch of small loads? Or did you take turns doing full loads or how did that work exactly? I want to get at least my oldest involved in laundry more (they do at least put away their own clothes for now) but I don't want her doing just her own clothes or the washer would be half empty all the time and I really prefer full loads for energy saving reasons.
Karen. |
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| I remember doing bed sheets and clothes together, I was so small I barely had the strength to pull the sheets off and had to climb up on top of the washer to do the settings. We would take turns doing the towels, by putting our dirty towels on top the dryer and if there was a full load sitting up there after you did your clothes you'd have to do another load of towels too. |
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Sheets & towels, of course why didn't I think of that! Great idea... And the nice thing is with a front loader even my littlest ones could manage laundry! I remember last year someone mentioning that when I was talking about which washer to get and I thought that was brilliant!!
Oh, and speaking of products that help kids get involved... A couple months ago my dh finally bought me a little pushmower for the grass. An unexpected benefit is that it's not only safe enough for my older two to handle it (it's a little tall for the little ones to use it but it's probably safe enough even for them with a little supervision of course). But they also LOVE IT!! They actually fought over who got to use it first, lol! I don't know how long it'll last but it was certainly nice to see them fighting over who got to help us rather than the opposite. And even if we have to designate it as one of their chores eventually, at least now it's a safe option for them... All that to say that it's sometimes worth it to invest in tools that are kid friendly so that they can help out.
Karen. |
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